Solitude

I read this article tonight after my sister, Kate, posted it to facebook. While I have not felt the desperate desire to be alone the way the author is describing, I have been noticing lately how I am constantly distracting myself from just being alone with my thoughts. I decided to stop watching TV/movies for Great Lent, and while I have succeeded in that, I find myself filling up the time I would be watching with mindless screen time of another sort : thumbing through FB/instagram, researching recipes, checking the news, or playing solitaire. If I am in the car I'm immediately turning on NPR or music or a podcast.

My New Years Resolution was to be more mindful-- to pay attention to my actions, question my inaction, and to generally be more thoughtful. Ironically I haven't thought about the resolution very much after making it. While meditation is not for me-- I don't like the idea of striving to empty your mind of thoughts... My idea instead was to try and turn over and examine my thoughts-- rejecting the bad or destructive ones and encouraging the good and filling the gaps with prayer. I also wanted to stay productive. I really believe that a person in motion stays in motion. Action begets action. Inaction drains your motivational energies.

When I did Outward Bound the first time when I was a sophomore in high school, part of the course was to do "solo". You are dropped off far away from anyone else on an island with something to sleep on, a tarp to make shelter, a bag of trail mix, and absolutely nothing to distract you-- no electronics, no books-- for two days and two nights. You are left with only your thoughts and journal to write them down in.

I snuck a book on my solo. It was A Tree Grows In Brooklyn and it was probably the tenth time I had read it. All I did was catch up on sleep and read. I don't think I journaled one thing. I don't think I even thought very much.

After reading that article tonight, I put my son to bed as the sun was setting. Alex left to go to his Tuesday night choir practise and I would have usually settled onto the couch to have some mindless screen time. Instead I picked up the entire downstairs in silence as the light faded through the windows. I didn't turn on any lights, instead lit a candle, and continued until the house felt fresh for tomorrow. I retrieved the stamped letters I had accidentally thrown in the recycling and I walked to the end of our long driveway to mail them. I took my time, took in deep breaths of the chilly new spring air, listened to the geese honking in the distance, saw the tree tops wave in the wind, and searched until I found the first twinkling stars of dusk. I read somewhere once that to be mindful just means to take the moment that you are in and one at a time acknowledge what your senses are experiencing.

That 3 minute walk was just delicious. I think I will make it a nightly routine.

a great weekend

This weekend was just the best. We went to Boston on Saturday and had a great time driving through the city and reminiscing about living there "That's where Sampson was born! ... That's where you got hit by the car! and so on ..."

We had lunch at Publick House, a restaurant we went to a few times because of their extensive beer selection, hand cut fries & special sauces (chipolte mayo, truffle ketchup, etc), and big bowls of mussels. This time we shared a big plate of poutine, a chef salad that is always a good choice with Sampson because he loves the slices of avocado & egg, and a fried green tomato & softly fried egg sandwich on sourdough bread with fried ham. We looked around the restaurant and realized that Saturday afternoons have replaced Friday nights for young familys because every single table had a car seat or a toddler in a high chair. I am not complaining... I like sunny Saturdays more than freaky Fridays. 

After lunch we went to a birthday party and had a lovely time celebrating the birthday of a friend and stayed the night there. On Sunday morning we went to church and then headed home.

Now that football season is almost at an end, we have made a tradition of going on a hike Sunday afternoon. There is a state park near our house with some great hilly trails. We decided to do a 2 mile hike that turned into a 5 mile hike when one of the trails was not marked and we needed to take the long way back to the car. The weather has been mild during the day here resulting in a lot of the snow melting only to turn into a sheet of ice when the temperatures drop at night. We ended up downhill on our butts for a good portion of the trails and hauling ourselves up hill by pulling on trees and branches. Buying crampons is now at the top of my shopping list.

The hike left us exhausted, but invigorated. Alex headed home with Sampson and I went to our local co-op to volunteer bagging groceries for 2 hours which buys me 8% off of our groceries for the next month. It was fun to see what everyone buys: bulk items packaged with recycled 

containers, organic produce, "responsibly sourced" seafood, cruelty free eggs & meat, and all the fancy natural products. I did a little grocery shopping to get us through the next two days at home before we head to Nashville for a business trip for Alex. It's going to be a fun week!

27

I love this time of year. In the first two weeks of January we celebrate New Years, my son's birthday, Christmas [on the Julian calendar], and my birthday. It's a festive & joyful time.

I like that my birthday is 2 weeks after New Years because it gives me two opportunities to reflect on resolutions, my past year, and my hopes for the coming year. Alex told me a few days before my birthday that I was the best 'me' during this past year, and I agree with him. I finally feel grown up, comfortable in my skin, & in balance. There are many things that have contributed to this : having a baby made me look outside of myself & my wants. It wasn't all about me anymore and I think that that has made me a less selfish and self centered person. We got to spend half of the year in Yellowstone and on the road and it was impossible to be stagnant or lazy--two problem areas that have been on my resolution lists in past years. I became the healthiest I have ever been and Alex and I got the opportunity to just be together without many distractions. Without the option to be distracted by TV, access to phone service or internet, or weekend trips to spend apart, we read to each other, played cards, and just talked. Hiking together became a time for us to talk and we had the best conversations.

I am so excited to be turning 27. I want to continue to constantly be self assessing, be more conscious and thoughtful, and to be a better listener. I want to read more than just surfing the internet or watching Netflix. I want to brush my teeth every.single.day. I want to be a more present & deliberate mom. I want to make better decisions about food. I want to live a life of action.