Solitude

I read this article tonight after my sister, Kate, posted it to facebook. While I have not felt the desperate desire to be alone the way the author is describing, I have been noticing lately how I am constantly distracting myself from just being alone with my thoughts. I decided to stop watching TV/movies for Great Lent, and while I have succeeded in that, I find myself filling up the time I would be watching with mindless screen time of another sort : thumbing through FB/instagram, researching recipes, checking the news, or playing solitaire. If I am in the car I'm immediately turning on NPR or music or a podcast.

My New Years Resolution was to be more mindful-- to pay attention to my actions, question my inaction, and to generally be more thoughtful. Ironically I haven't thought about the resolution very much after making it. While meditation is not for me-- I don't like the idea of striving to empty your mind of thoughts... My idea instead was to try and turn over and examine my thoughts-- rejecting the bad or destructive ones and encouraging the good and filling the gaps with prayer. I also wanted to stay productive. I really believe that a person in motion stays in motion. Action begets action. Inaction drains your motivational energies.

When I did Outward Bound the first time when I was a sophomore in high school, part of the course was to do "solo". You are dropped off far away from anyone else on an island with something to sleep on, a tarp to make shelter, a bag of trail mix, and absolutely nothing to distract you-- no electronics, no books-- for two days and two nights. You are left with only your thoughts and journal to write them down in.

I snuck a book on my solo. It was A Tree Grows In Brooklyn and it was probably the tenth time I had read it. All I did was catch up on sleep and read. I don't think I journaled one thing. I don't think I even thought very much.

After reading that article tonight, I put my son to bed as the sun was setting. Alex left to go to his Tuesday night choir practise and I would have usually settled onto the couch to have some mindless screen time. Instead I picked up the entire downstairs in silence as the light faded through the windows. I didn't turn on any lights, instead lit a candle, and continued until the house felt fresh for tomorrow. I retrieved the stamped letters I had accidentally thrown in the recycling and I walked to the end of our long driveway to mail them. I took my time, took in deep breaths of the chilly new spring air, listened to the geese honking in the distance, saw the tree tops wave in the wind, and searched until I found the first twinkling stars of dusk. I read somewhere once that to be mindful just means to take the moment that you are in and one at a time acknowledge what your senses are experiencing.

That 3 minute walk was just delicious. I think I will make it a nightly routine.

a great weekend

This weekend was just the best. We went to Boston on Saturday and had a great time driving through the city and reminiscing about living there "That's where Sampson was born! ... That's where you got hit by the car! and so on ..."

We had lunch at Publick House, a restaurant we went to a few times because of their extensive beer selection, hand cut fries & special sauces (chipolte mayo, truffle ketchup, etc), and big bowls of mussels. This time we shared a big plate of poutine, a chef salad that is always a good choice with Sampson because he loves the slices of avocado & egg, and a fried green tomato & softly fried egg sandwich on sourdough bread with fried ham. We looked around the restaurant and realized that Saturday afternoons have replaced Friday nights for young familys because every single table had a car seat or a toddler in a high chair. I am not complaining... I like sunny Saturdays more than freaky Fridays. 

After lunch we went to a birthday party and had a lovely time celebrating the birthday of a friend and stayed the night there. On Sunday morning we went to church and then headed home.

Now that football season is almost at an end, we have made a tradition of going on a hike Sunday afternoon. There is a state park near our house with some great hilly trails. We decided to do a 2 mile hike that turned into a 5 mile hike when one of the trails was not marked and we needed to take the long way back to the car. The weather has been mild during the day here resulting in a lot of the snow melting only to turn into a sheet of ice when the temperatures drop at night. We ended up downhill on our butts for a good portion of the trails and hauling ourselves up hill by pulling on trees and branches. Buying crampons is now at the top of my shopping list.

The hike left us exhausted, but invigorated. Alex headed home with Sampson and I went to our local co-op to volunteer bagging groceries for 2 hours which buys me 8% off of our groceries for the next month. It was fun to see what everyone buys: bulk items packaged with recycled 

containers, organic produce, "responsibly sourced" seafood, cruelty free eggs & meat, and all the fancy natural products. I did a little grocery shopping to get us through the next two days at home before we head to Nashville for a business trip for Alex. It's going to be a fun week!

27

I love this time of year. In the first two weeks of January we celebrate New Years, my son's birthday, Christmas [on the Julian calendar], and my birthday. It's a festive & joyful time.

I like that my birthday is 2 weeks after New Years because it gives me two opportunities to reflect on resolutions, my past year, and my hopes for the coming year. Alex told me a few days before my birthday that I was the best 'me' during this past year, and I agree with him. I finally feel grown up, comfortable in my skin, & in balance. There are many things that have contributed to this : having a baby made me look outside of myself & my wants. It wasn't all about me anymore and I think that that has made me a less selfish and self centered person. We got to spend half of the year in Yellowstone and on the road and it was impossible to be stagnant or lazy--two problem areas that have been on my resolution lists in past years. I became the healthiest I have ever been and Alex and I got the opportunity to just be together without many distractions. Without the option to be distracted by TV, access to phone service or internet, or weekend trips to spend apart, we read to each other, played cards, and just talked. Hiking together became a time for us to talk and we had the best conversations.

I am so excited to be turning 27. I want to continue to constantly be self assessing, be more conscious and thoughtful, and to be a better listener. I want to read more than just surfing the internet or watching Netflix. I want to brush my teeth every.single.day. I want to be a more present & deliberate mom. I want to make better decisions about food. I want to live a life of action.

tomato sauce

I think if I had to pick a favorite food it would be pasta with a blizzard of Parmesan cheese. It never fails to take me back to our honeymoon in Italy where I know I ate the best food of my life. This is how I make my favorite sauce. It is really easy & a tastier than jarred sauce, in my opinion. The portions of the ingredients are up to your personal taste.

Ingredients

• olive oil
• garlic
• mushrooms
• kale
• dried thyme
• salt & pepper
• bay leaf
• large can of crushed plum tomatoes 
• fresh basil

Put a large glug of olive oil at the bottom of your pan (I use my cast iron frying pan) over medium heat. Add the mushrooms & chopped kale. Saute until they are beginning to soften & add the minced garlic.  Cook until the garlic becomes fragrant, being careful not to let it burn. Add a pinchful of thyme, rubbing it between your fingertips as you sprinkle it evenly over the pan.  Add salt & pepper. Pour in crushed tomatoes & add the bay leaf. Let this simmer while you bring your salted water to a boil & cook your pasta. Before draining your pasta, add some of the salted pasta water to the sauce if it is looking a little too thick/chunky (I like to rinse the can of all its tomato goodness with the pasta water.) Top the cooked pasta with sauce, Parmesan, and some fresh basil ! 

gratitude sunday

throughout the week I have been grateful for :

...spending time with family & friends back on the east coast

... the opportunity to celebrate the wedding of two dear friends

...spontaneously showering in the afternoon rain storm in our underwear & drying off in the warm sunlight afterwards

... antibiotics

... a long glorious afternoon nap

... homemade chicken soup & cornbread

... Sampson taking a paci to go to sleep in the car now [cue the Hallelujah chorus]

... Alex giving me the far side of the bed & comforting Sampson every time he woke up so I could get some extra sleep before work.

... heavy cream in coffee -- indulgent, but so freaking good.

healthy habits

I have never been the type of person that works out. I have been the type of person that can't sleep & drives to McDonalds for a filet o'fish (crack on a bun) at 3 AM. Toward the end of my pregnancy I was working at a pediatrician's office 45 minutes away from our apartment and eating a Dunkin Donuts muffin & coffee for breakfast and 2 slices of pizza + a cherry coke for lunch every single day. By the time I had Sampson I was 35 lbs heavier than I had ever been and feeling pretty darn sluggish.

Fast forward to our arrival in Yellowstone. We hiked everyday & the nearest McDonalds was an hour away. We had to do our grocery shopping once a week and there weren't any "I really feel like brownies" opportunities to run back mid week. I drank more water than I think I have ever consumed in the rest of my 26 years. There isn't any internet here so I wasn't watching Netflix while eating breakfast and absentmindedly consuming 2 whole bagels in one sitting. I lost all my pregnancy weight gain and then a little more & I think I can honestly say that this is probably the fittest I have ever been.

We leave here in around 2 weeks & I feel like I need to have a plan for how to stay healthy when I am two ticks away from fast food & I can't walk out my front door to hike 10 miles. This is the game plan I have come up with:

• Start running no matter how much I hate it and hopefully I'll eventually learn to like it. My mental laziness is something I still need to work on for endurance & stamina. I think the key for me is going to be coming up with a plan on how often/how long I want to get out and run & tell people so that it makes me accountable. 
• Be conscious about what I am eating & all good things in moderation & smaller servings. Maybe I'll keep a food journal for the first few weeks.
• Make vegetables a priority in what I am eating. Carrots instead of chips. Spinach in a smoothie. Kale in an omelette. Start lunch & dinner with a vegetable starter before scarfing down the main course. 
• Keep a water bottle with me at all times. I'm more likely to stay hydrated & not turn to a delicious icy cold soda in a panic of thirst. 
• When we are out to eat, Alex & I like to split an entree. We eat less, spend less, & feel better. 

My health makes me rich & I want to stay wealthy. How do you stay in shape?

hiking & backpacking with a babe

Here's a guide for all you people out there who want to lug your baby up a mountain & share all that extra room in your sleeping bag with a wriggly bedfellow. It's fun, I swear.

The first thing you want to do find a carrier that is comfortable for you & that your babe will tolerate. For us that's the Ergo 360. Sampson is happy as a clam in it & naps like a champ when he wants to.

What we love about it:

• Its comfortable and puts all the weight on your lower body, leaving your shoulders pain free.
• You can wear your babe facing in, facing out, on your hip, or on your back. For steeper descents or river crossings, I've found that having him on my front feels safer in case I fall on my bum. For up hills, it's easier on my body to have him on the back and in case I fall on my face.
• For backpacking trips or if you're hiking alone, you can wear the babe on the front, and have your back free for a backpack full of gear. We have a big 65 L backpack for one person carry with most of the heavier gear and we have a small 25 L bag for diapers/wipes/clothing/bear spray/maps for the person carrying Sampson. This is definitely harder on your back + shoulders because you can't use the waist strap on the backpack to evenly distribute weight, however, you can pack more stuff than if you use a exclusive back carrier.
• It's washable! 

It is a warmer carrier without much air flow making for a sweaty hike for you + for baby. We had to play around with how many layers Sam would have to wear to keep him at a comfortable temperature, balancing the outside temp with our combined body heat. There was a month where he started getting eczema on his trunk & behind his knees from the sweat + friction. We solved that by taking more frequent breaks & letting his skin dry out of the carrier and putting him in a shirt & pants from Patagonia made of light weight/ quick dry fabric.

We also have this Osprey carrier. Sampson hated it at first so it mostly got used as a makeshift high chair at home. He seems to have warmed up to it recently, since sitting up on his own, and we managed a six mile hike. I think that this will become a primary carrier for us the heavier/bigger he gets. It has great structure with airflow for both baby + the bearer, decent storage eliminating the need for an additional backpack, and a bomb sunshade. The only downside for us is it's bigger size for storage and the fact that Sam delights in pulling my hair from his high perch. [I fixed this by wearing a backwards baseball cap with my hair tucker underneath.]

If you live in a mosquito infested area, this Marmot 2 person tent, will be your best friend for lunch or nursing breaks. It's only 4 lbs and it attaches easily to the bottom of our backpack . It can set up in about 60 seconds and break down in the same amount of time.

This hammock is a new addition to our lives and I could wax poetic about it. It only weighs 1 lb., stuffs into a small sack that's attached to it. You have to buy these straps separately. The whole thing is brilliantly easy to set up & is perfect for taking a break & nursing. It's absolutely not necessary, but it is a luxury.

As for sleeping in a tent with a baby... I honestly haven't found a perfect way to make it work, but I think I have figured out how to make it bearable! The nights here get down to 30 degrees so it's a challenge making sure he's warm enough, I'm warm enough, and that his face isn't covered. If you cosleep, the best advice I can give is get a sleeping pad that works for you, wear layers, unzip your sleeping bag and use it as a blanket instead of trying to zip the two of you into the bag. I've found that the thinner pads are more comfortable for me & work better than a 2-3 inch pad that you're constantly afraid he'll roll off of. If you don't cosleep + your babe is one of those magical unicorns that sleeps through the night or can nurse and be put back down to sleep easily, we have zipped Sam into my jacket and tucked him into our backpack to make a little sleeping bag.

Having adventures with your babe is absolutely possible. Hopefully these items might make it a little easier!